The Purposeless Wife Blog

A Safe Space for Healing Through Transparency

“You have to be transparent so you no longer cast a shadow but instead let the light pass through you.” -Kamand Kojouri

Disclaimer: “Hi, my name is Dante Moore, the beloved and sometimes wretched husband that you all read about. I’m happy to let you know that my wife and I are beautifully broken people and we both believe that healing comes from seeing the whole picture. That’s why this entry is so important. We thought it was vital that D’ani share the struggles that are occurring to her in real-time, and those that we are also working through – in hopes that someone else would be able to find themselves there. The hope is that you will ultimately know that you are not alone. I stand in full support of all she has chosen to disclose concerning in the blog posting below; after all I did proof-read it lol. So I hope it blesses you as she invites you into her sacred space of communal sharing.”


I know I haven’t posted in a while, since the end of April to be exact, but I have been hit with some super intense writers block and for the life of me could not figure out how to get past it. I have a few posts started but I couldn’t get through and complete any of them. I was passionate about the topics, passionate about what this blog is about, and passionate about the connections I have made with those who read it but still couldn’t write. Nothing made sense…

And then it hit me…I couldn’t write about anything until I was honest about my current state. Until I took the time to acknowledge what has been the most pressing emotion within me for awhile but at least the past few months. I was fighting to ignore this emotion or sweep it under the rug so that I wouldn’t be viewed as a negative person. Because of unhealthy ideals (that I’m fighting to unlearn), it didn’t seem like an acceptable emotion to acknowledge or speak about. But enough is enough. If this is going to be a safe space via transparency, then I need to be transparent. That daunting emotion is anger. I am angry. An angry black woman if you will. I am angry about so much and it is no longer feasible for me to hold it all in.

I am Angry…

at my lack of pregnancy and the unknown of if I will ever bear children

I am Angry…

at my mental health conditions and the impact that it is having on my ability to become employed

I am Angry…

 at how I feel stripped of confidence and struggle to pinpoint things I excel in

I am Angry…

at my mental health conditions and the impact that it is having on my desire to meet/get to know/trust people

I am Angry…

that people really just don’t listen when I talk. I am often ignored, interrupted, or misunderstood

I am Angry…

that my husband seems to be able to understand the struggles of others over the struggle of mine

I am Angry…

that his go-getter attitude is viewed as something that both of us should attain and that my more demure or slower paced ways are seen as unacceptable

I am Angry…

that I cannot be myself…who am I kidding, that I do not know myself anymore

I am Angry…

that I have been there for my husband in more ways than most can even fathom and yet he struggles to be there for me in even some of the simplest ways

I am Angry…

that even with what has been neglect, dismissal of feelings, and lack of empathy, I still feel like I have to protect him and his image/reputation

I am Angry…

that because I am protecting his reputation, I end up looking like the problem in the relationship, that I am the one not holding up my end of the bargain

I am Angry…

that people are still going to see this as me being disloyal to my husband or that I am leaving room for the enemy to come into my marriage by sharing these struggles

I am Angry…

that those people are the same people who rarely, if at all, reach out to check on me, my husband, or our marriage

I am Angry…

that I have a lifetime of examples of where I have showed up and been present for people and the majority have thrown me away once they were done with me or turned on me for reasons that still don’t add up

I am Angry…

that I still end up forgiving them all and sometimes that honestly makes me feel like a sucka

I am Angry…

that all of these feelings have me feeling guilty or that I’m not living up to these religious standards of what’s acceptable

I am Angry…

that I have more times than not, felt completely abandoned by God. 

I am Angry…

that even though I know the choices I’ve made have been my own, most of them have been made with the notion that I was serving Him, but that still hasn’t changed this detrimental outcomes that have literally shaken me to the core

I am Angry…

that there isn’t much space created for me to express these thoughts and feelings without people condemning me or trying to convince me otherwise, instead of just allowing me the opportunity to express it and work through it once confessed

I am Angry…

that on top of all of these internal and emotionally and spiritual struggles, I STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE BULL FROM SOCIETY

I am Angry…

that as a woman I rarely feel safe, EVER

I am Angry…

that as a black woman, I don’t even feel safe in the spaces other women do

I am Angry…

that most of this won’t ever change…

But honestly, more than anger, I am sad…devastatingly sad. And people need to have space to be sad and angry and whatever other “negative” emotion they are feeling. To express it safely and not feel like it’s necessary to find the silver lining right away, or have some prolific revelation. Because sometimes life just sucks, and the positive spin won’t be found until miles and miles down the road on this journey. And that’s ok. Because you know what? There is healing found in the simplicity of acknowledgement…

“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment – we are all defined by something we can’t change.”  -Simon Van Booy

Let’s Talk! Can you relate? Do you ever feel as if you have to dismiss your feelings? How often do you find space to share your true feelings instead of bottling them up or stuffing them under the rug? What does or would that space look like for you? Let me know in the comments or send me a message on the “Contact” page. You can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook using the links on this page and connect with me there! Thanks for reading!

12 thoughts on “I am an Angry Black Woman.

  1. Devonna says:

    Your transparency is like a delicious mint, hard to chew but extremely refreshing! I don’t know how much it took to put your emotions out there, but I’m so glad you did. I think an automatic response is to problem solve someone’s troubles, and as a friend those reflexes can quickly kick in, but may not be what’s needed at the time. This post encourages me and has given me something to reflect on in my life and in the life of those I love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww wow thank you sooo much! It def is an automatic response to solve someone else problem especially when we care about them. One of the issue is that unless specifically asked for, the “fix” can make them feel like they need to move past the issue quickly without fully processing it. Thank you for sharing this reflection sis and for reading! 🤗

      Like

  2. Donielle Houston says:

    Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your transparency and honesty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank so much Donielle! I really appreciate you reading and commenting 🥰🤗

      Like

  3. T. says:

    Abandoned, Rejected, Lonely, Heartbroken, Inadequate, Deserted, Transparent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi T! These are some heavy feelings that I can totally relate to. Glad you have taken time to recognize and acknowledge these. Hoping the more you come to terms with them, the sooner healing/freedom can come 🙏🏾🤗

      Like

  4. Angie says:

    First and Foremost, kudos for writing this and expressing your true feelings in the most authentic way you knew how. As someone that used to write everything down, or create my words into a “poem” so my thoughts would be accepted, I appreciate the rawness and true vulnerability expressed in your writing.

    I can definitely relate on so many ways. The first line hit me like a ton of bricks. I have endometriosis and a whole host of medicine that may make it very difficult for me to conceive when the time comes, and its a daily devastating struggle to process. I thank you for trusting your words enough to express them thoroughly in this way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Angie!! Thank you so much for reading!!! I can only imagine how brilliant your poems are! I hope you are still writing ✍🏾 🥰

      Endometriosis is rough and I can def see how that is a daily struggle. Thank you so much for being courageous enough to share that here and I most certainly will be keeping you in prayer!

      Like

  5. Britt says:

    I think Devonna said it best– “Your transparency is like a delicious mint, hard to chew but extremely refreshing!” I, too, struggle with entering problem-solving mode way too easily, so thank you for sharing your perspective and encouraging those of us “silver-liners” to not brush past someone’s pain.

    Your entry challenged me to carve out time and mental space to receive Ev’s emotions/feelings (even if they are negative) without attempting to change them/him.

    You have also reminded me that “love is patient” — patient with others’ hurt/pain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow wow wow! Thank you sooo much for this! I’m grateful that it was a challenge and a reminder for you especially in your marriage!! Silver-linings are def great but it’s super important to acknowledge and process the pain. I’m so grateful that you read and commented! Thanks sooo much!

      Like

  6. Carlene says:

    Wow, I couldn’t agree more with what Devonna said. Reading this was a little challenging because I can totally relate to those emotions, especially the problem-solving and being quick to forgive. For me, sometimes realizing that I can’t solve some issues is a hard pill to swallow since I’m used to being the “go-to” person for a lot of things. Additionally, coming to terms with the fact that forgiveness is not always reciprocated in the way that you give it has been a challenge that I’ve probably been dealing with since grade school. Your transparency on this matter is comforting because I realize that more Christian women deal with this than I’ve considered. I’m usually a very literal person so when learning that we are instructed to be “…quick to forgive…” I took that literally and applied that to every situation. That’s not a bad thing at all, but sometimes feel like it doesn’t work out in my favor. Thanks again for sharing sis. This is making me want to evaluate reasons why in my life I too may be an angry black woman. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow Sis! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and being open and for even reading this! Def if you’re able to forgive quickly, go for it, as there is a difference in forgiving vs trusting. But even in the times that it isn’t easy or it seems to back, it’s ok to acknowledge that difficulty and if it causes you to feel angry. It’s all a part of healthy processing 🤗

      Like

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